This was the conversation during yesterday’s dining with family husband, wife, cousins–Yeah, everyone was having a ball with who Her money belonged. The money she worked so hard for all these years to retire. It was all said in LOVE and fun! As I listened to the conversation, I began to ponder that thought from a different perspective. It was an interesting place to interject a different school of thought that my family received so well and I thank GOD. They actually listened

See, for so long the public has pondered why victims do not leave their oppressor–yeah oppressor. Why don’t they just walk away, she/he/they whatever the pronouns. In domestic violence situation, whether a traditional nuclear family or otherwise, there is something called a dominant power control over another. In that power struggle, a victim’s financial autonomy may be oppressed.

Let’s think about that… For example, a woman has worked to become vested with years served to an employer. She has endured recent violence with her partner. Her partner controls the money that comes into the house and controls the bank accounts. She/He/They are financially powerless and afraid.

She/He/They have developed a safety plan to get away knowing that they can use their retirement fund, 401K, IRA, etc. to help sustain them once they decide to leave. Here is the thing, in most states no matter the retirement fund holder, policy says you must have the authorized signature of both the husband and wife to access the funds?

Deep, right? How do I know this you ask?

First, I am a DV survivor. I know what it is like to be afraid and to feel threatened to leave. Prior to my marriage, I was a victim of DV. I thank GOD for a spouse who loves and is a gentleman in every respect of that word. I worked in another state prior to getting married. Years ago, I tried to access some money I discovered from that state in a 401K. When I tried to retrieve the funds, I was told I needed the signature of my now husband since I was married.

For the woman who is trying to leave knowing she has these funds, that is problematic. Again, she/he/they are backed into a financial woe with her oppressor. Thoughts? What is your experience?

Thanks family. I love you all. Let us be the first partakers to win against adverse childhood experiences. What she/he/they go through , their children will go through as well. Let’s win together. We have what we need. Stop sweeping it under the rug and let’s heal our communities. Advocacy starts at home. Let’s tell those who are making the decisions to think outside the boxes they have developed that strip our power.

Are you in? Say, yes below. We have the opportunity to change what is into what it should. You can help!

#advocacy #nohs #fearlessvisionaries #teartheveil #powerofus #ncbwr #bwr #iamwe2019